This December would mark nearly 9 years since I consciously embarked on my self-discovery journey. That’s 9 hard years of looking at the darker sides of me, working through hurt, loss, and disappointment, and continuing to show up for myself, my relationships, and my sangha – that’s each one of you, my dear readers.
“It has not been easy,” would be an understatement.
It has been gruelling and tedious. Sometimes demanding so much more of me than the resources I have available at the moment.
It is a true test of grit and resilience, unlike anything I’ve experienced before. I’ve always thought of myself as hardy, made of steel, and can take it all. But this journey humbled me beyond recognition. I recognised the value of a community, a support system to lean on, and finding the right mentors, they all mean so much more than I can ever begin to admit. Maybe more on that another day.
For today I wanted to share one realisation I’ve been having the last few years.
The question I kept asking myself is what determines winners from those who fall off the track in this path of personal growth and development or spiritual development?
A question that can have many answers of course. But one that I believe could be one of the top contenders for this question is “Those who are not afraid to start over as many times as needed.”
Today when I speak at Book Launches or share milestones with the world, I get congratulatory messages of how astounding my journey has been. Little do they realise I’ve had more failures than successes. I’ve failed more than I can count in the last 3-4 years.
Each day I begin and I show up with the best flair I can muster and most days I fail. I fail to hit the mark. I fail to make a difference in myself, or to my own loved ones let alone the world. I fail to change my conditioned reactions and behavioural patterns. I fail every day. But what I learned the hard way is to not lose heart. No matter how many times I fail, I will show up the next day and give it my best shot. How many ever tries it takes!
I don’t know if I’ll achieve all that I aspire to in this lifetime, but I won’t quit.
That much I know for sure. I allow myself the kindness and grace to take time off when the going gets tough, to gather my bearings, to lean on my family and friends for some much-needed solace and comfort, I allow myself to shed those tears in vain. But once I’m done with that, I stand back tall. That’s all we can do at the end of the day right?
But there’s a nuance – to start over with love.
To start over as many times as needed without bitterness in the heart. To begin again with the same zest and optimism without cynicism. That’s where the magic is for me. If I start over with scepticism and bitterness, I’m no longer me. Without that softness and utmost faith in the universe, even if I achieve those goals I set out I’m not sure it will mean much.
So that’s what I hold on to when self-discovery takes me to the darkest corners of my mind, to my morbid fears, to the lowest of disappointments and depressions, to start over as many times as needed with love and zest.
Growth mindsetInner transformationPositivitySelf ImprovementSelf-compassionSelf-development tipsSelf-discovery journey
