It was a Friday evening, and as Maya entered Tara’s room she began to rant even before taking a seat. “I’m so tired of doing, doing, doing, all the time. I just want to be.”
Being a classic high achiever, Maya had a compulsive tendency to do, overdoing, and never stopping to take a pause or a break. And as any machine that keeps going on and on without respite, she began feeling frustrated, agitated, and stuck.
Tara has seen this pattern many times with Maya. She’d overdo it till the breaking point and once she crosses that threshold she takes a week off. She travels to someplace far away and does nothing in her vacation, till she gets bored of doing nothing and gets back to the grind. Only for the cycle to repeat all over again.
This time Tara decided to challenge Maya and reflected on this observation of the repeated pattern of excessive doing till the verge of breaking down and then resting briefly to gather the strength to go go go again.
Maya, hoping for encouragement to take a vacation was taken aback. She unwillingly admitted that she recognised the cycle and its vicious consequences. “But this is how I always work. I know no moderation. I overdo till I’m on the verge of burnout and then force myself to take a break. Is there even another way?”
Tara paused to allow her reflections to sink in and gently enquired, “are being and doing mutually exclusive? Why does it have to be one or the other?”
Maya had never thought about it that way. She only knew two modes of operating – hustling and vegetating that she never considered being and doing could coexist. The more she thought about it and she said, “No, you’re right they are not mutually exclusive. They are two sides of the same coin. While I keep saying I want to simply be. Being also involves some doing. Relaxing is doing, sitting still is doing, and experiencing sensations in meditation is an act of doing. Even when I read blogs on non-doing, I feel that is also a form of doing – not doing anything.
This insight reminds me of that verse in the Bhagavad Gita, where Krishna says as humans we cannot ‘not act’.
न हि कश्चित्क्षणमपि जातु तिष्ठत्यकर्मकृत् |
कार्यते ह्यवश: कर्म सर्व: प्रकृतिजैर्गुणै: || 3, 5||
na hi kaśhchit kṣhaṇam api jātu tiṣhṭhatyakarma-kṛit
kāryate hyavaśhaḥ karma sarvaḥ prakṛiti-jair guṇaiḥ
No one can remain without action even for a moment. Indeed, all beings are compelled to act by their qualities born of material nature (the three guṇas).
So, as humans born of material nature, we have no choice but to act.
Tara excited to see Maya connecting the dots egged her on further, “So then it’s not about doing excessively and then aspiring to simply be! What would you say the dilemma is about?”
Maya hemmed and hawed as she introspected and suddenly her eyes lit up and she exclaimed, “I got it! Tara, it’s not about being v/s doing but about moving away from compulsive doing to intentional doing.”
Tara, curious, asked Maya to elaborate further.
“Well, I’m not tired because I’m doing so much, but because I’m constantly going from one thing to the next without pausing to reflect what I’m engaging in or why. My mental chatter is going on and on and I’m simply doing compulsively without a clear purpose or direction.
Infact, half my working hours go in compulsively writing emails back and forth cc’ing the world without an intention to address a work task and see it to completion. I’m doing blindly without being conscious or aligned with what I’m doing or why.
If i’m more aligned with my being, I’ll intentionally choose my actions and behaviours to address what’s most important instead of draining my energies in the affairs of the world. I’ll probably feel more fulfilled at the end of the day because I’d be present in my doing which will automatically enhance the quality of my work.”
Thoroughly impressed with the depth of Maya’s reflections, Tara enquired, now that it’s about doing intentionally, what would you like to do differently after our conversation?
“Well, I’m going to reflect how aligned I feel on a daily basis and intentionally choose my priorities for the day instead of going with the flow. Instead of temporary fixes like vacations and time off, I’m going to be more intentional and consciously choose my actions to elevate my doing to be in line with my being.”
We’ve all been in Maya’s shoes where we overdo and stretch ourselves and simply want to unplug and turn off. While that’s a short-term fix, the lasting solution is to reflect on how we are showing up in our work and relationships and sprinkling it with intentionality. Then, we don’t feel disconnected in our doing and feel that sense of accomplishment. When we engage intentionally, balance is a natural consequence as we are in touch with ourselves to know when we’ve exerted enough and need a break.
What stood out for you from Maya’s reflections this week? In what ways are you being intentional to do better?
