Ep 16 – How to cope with bad days

Hello and welcome back to Being Meraklis a podcast by Shwetha Sivaraman

I hope you all are safe and healthy indoors whichever part of the globe you are in right now.

We are on Day-19 of the proposed 21-day lockdown. Just when we thought that we started to accept this as the way of life for 21 days, we are hearing that this is not going to be the end of it.

Work has probably been more hectic for many of you, with more meetings than a usual day and work that stretches way beyond office timings. To add to it, some of you, like me, might also have added responsibilities of cooking and cleaning that drains away a lot of your energy.

It has not been a smooth ride all the way, we have had some good days, some not-so-good and some outright bad ones, right? So, given that we are staring at a lockdown being indoors for a few more weeks I thought I’ll address “How to deal with bad days”

Let’s admit we have all had them, irrespective of a virus looming in the environment. But the coronavirus kinda complicates the situation a little bit more making bad days seem almost impossible to manage. You feel trapped locked in within those 4 walls of your house with nowhere to escape. You crave the outdoors, dreaming of the wind in your hair, sand in between your toes, and the sound of the waves crashing in a rhythm filling your ears with a melody.

Only to realize you are not going to experience any of that any time soon. Differences between family members and housemates are bound to come to light in such periods creating more rifts and uneasiness being home.

You get the picture, it is not easy. If it helps, it is not just you. All of us have hit that low-point at least once in the last 3 weeks and will probably hit that again in the next two weeks.

So how can we deal with bad days?

1. Acceptance

Before you deal with anything, I think the first step is acceptance. Especially if you are like me, excessively in need to be in control of any situation. Needing to know what you are doing when and how its all going to turn out. This situation throws you at the deep end. You are not in control, rather the helplessness causes more angst in.

So allow that to sink in. A lot of what’s happening is way beyond our control. We are used to orchestrating our life, but these are not ideal circumstances. There is a virus out there affecting human life all across the world and we are yet to identify a vaccine to protect ourselves against it. We can only hope and pray that as those in the frontline fight bravely that the situation is curbed as soon as possible.

But for your sanity accept the vulnerability, humans as a whole are vulnerable, susceptible to this disease, and the only thing we can do for our survival is to wait and stay safe, Indoors.

2. Breathe, and let it be

Our first reaction when we have bad days is to kick ourselves harder and force us to get back on track. Don’t. If you are going through a bad day, shunning yourself out and expecting your mind and body to adhere to your To-Do lists is unfair without addressing the root or the cause of the uneasiness.

So when you find ourselves having a bad day, pause and breathe. Explore and try and identify if you can as to why its happening in the first place. If you are not able to pin down what exactly is wrong, take a blank piece of paper and a pen and start writing– write everything you feel. Do not police what comes out – whether it is coherent or not, let it all flow. I heard this technique is called “Stream of Consciousness journaling”. Such a beautiful name.

So allow your consciousness to flow and recognize everything that you are following and give yourself a break if you are not able to get back on track immediately. Do not be afraid of the silence and what may come out. Instead, relish the solitude like a game where you try and figure yourself out. That’s something I love doing myself.

Let yourself be for a bit until you can reconcile whatever upheaval is being caused on the inside.

3. Unplug

You know what is coming. Constantly watching the news, tracking the numbers, reading WhatsApp forwards, or scrolling all has an impact. I was doing that to myself till a few days ago too. Mindlessly scrolling through YouTube, watching videos about the virus, the trends anticipated, how its expected to spread. Or Instagram, where everyone seems to be on a productive or creative overdrive. Let us avoid measuring our progress in these times through other’s scales. We all are very unique and come from very different contexts. And excessively consuming without being conscious could trigger us.

Unplug every now and then. There are so many things that could trigger us without our knowledge and the more mindlessly we scroll the more it becomes a mystery on why we are sad or mad. When it feels too much, turn off that television, keep the phone away, and just be. Engage in something else, which brings us to our 4th point

4. Divert your attention 

Indulge in any activity that consumes you whole. Something that helps calm you down – it could be cooking, painting, or reading, or writing. But divert your attention to something that could take your mind away from drowning itself in worry or anxiety.

For me a good dose of fiction does wonders. You are magically transported into a whole other universe with more pressing conflicts than what you are currently facing. Find what it is for you and engross yourself in them. Some find cooking therapeutic – something I find horribly stressful, but it is calming for some. So, divert your attention in whatever direction helps you be in ease. Float in the comfort of your favorite foods or favorite hobbies to ring in that sense of connectedness with the

5. Call a Friend

If none of that work, pick up that phone and call a friend, family member, or a loved one. Converse about everything under the sun, reminisce the past if that feels good, have a hearty laugh. I recently did a call with a few of my girls and it felt so good. We didn’t even realise how quickly 2 hours passed. We were catching up after what felt like ages and I don’t think the talk about the virus even came up once after the first check-in on whether everyone was okay.

It can be just that simple. Catch up with those old friends or family. Speak your heart out, vent if that helps or talk to like-minded souls on issues that matter. But remember to reach out when you are feeling alone. When we are having a bad day, we always think something is wrong with us. Clearly everyone else seem to be having a gala time on social media. But that is often far from the truth. You are not alone, every individual goes through the same ups and downs you do. Some just are better at covering it up. So don’t be afraid.

Open up to those you are close with or are comfortable sharing with. There is no little or small issue, anything that affects you is important enough to be discussed. So open up and share and ask for help if you need it.

Remember these are extraordinary circumstances, do not add to it unrealistic expectations of transforming into a butterfly at the end of the quarantine. This period is for survival and survival at the end of it is progress enough. If you achieve more than that, well then that’s the cherry on top of the pudding.

Here’s sincerely hoping that all of you pay attention to your mental well being too as we battle the virus. Stay indoors, stay safe, and stay sane.