Ep 20 – Being Authentic

What is authenticity?

Before we delve deeper into this topic, we should first understand- what is authenticity and why it is important.

Authenticity means being your true and genuine self. It is the courage to stand up for what you believe, in a world that expects you to fit in. It is the capacity to embrace your imperfections and reveal your vulnerabilities. It is also to shed the need to be accepted and instead, act in congruence with your thoughts, inner beliefs, and values.

But being truly authentic is not that simple.

The Projected Self v/s Real Self

From the time we are born, we are served small servings of the society’s ideal expectations on our behaviour. You can’t just cry or throw a tantrum when you feel like it, you cannot walk out of a science class just because you are done comprehending what on earth is going on, you cannot sit with one leg on top of the other in the public, and the list is endless.

Gradually, the projected self grows further and further apart from who we truly are within. To add to it, in today’s world of social media, we are constantly under the pressure to project our lives as being picture-perfect, of which every little action is scrutinized by society. And it is a vicious cycle where the rift between your inner and outer selves only expands.

While it might all be fun and games as a youngster, being inauthentic in the long run causes discomfort in our lives. We become unhappy because what we want out of life and what we spend our lives doing are very different.

“When you live to please the society, your real self cannot thrive and flourish, and you feel unhinged without that connection to who you are.”

First Step on the path to Authenticity: Self-Awareness

Years and years of pretence can lead you to not being aware of who you are, your deepest desires, things you value the most. In each of these answers lie a clue towards living an authentic life. Explore deeply, identify triggers when you felt most inauthentic. What caused that sensation in you, where did that disconnect arise from? You could go back down the memory lane to identify what made you switch behaviours that led to this incongruence. What belief caused you to change behaviours and change that belief at the source? Slowly bridge the gap between who you say you are and who you really are underneath.

How can we cultivate authenticity?

1- Define what your values are: Inauthenticity stems from indulging in activities that conflict with our inner conscience. We have grown up with certain belief systems that are non-negotiable for us – honesty, punctuality, trust, loyalty, valuing relationships and money, integrity. The list may be different for you, but these are things that cannot be compromised. Identify what these values are for you and introspect which aspect of your life is conflicting with them.

2- Take action: Resist the overwhelming desire to constantly fit in.

“You can stand for what you believe in and still be accepted by the right people.”

Wherever you observe that your actions are incongruent to your values take corrective measures. How can you bridge the gap? What can you do differently so that you are more aligned with who you are? This will not be easy at first but keep at it consciously until it comes naturally to you.

3- Be mindful: We evolve every single day. To continue staying authentic we need to be conscious of what we believe, think, and do, regularly. Our intuition has a way of signalling us what doesn’t feel right to our higher self, notice that, and take time to introspect if your intuition is ringing alarm bells against doing something.

Remember, leading authentic lives is a journey, not a destination.

You cannot transform overnight. It is a gradual process of unlearning and rediscovering ourselves to cherish who we are and what we bring to the table every single day. So be patient and trust the process.