Ep 84 – Where do you start to live by design?

It might be challenging to know where to start living life by design when we’ve been sleepwalking and living life on autopilot for years together. If we feel disconnected over a long period, many aspects of our life might be off-balance, and it might feel difficult to know where to begin. If that’s you too, then this episode should give you some ideas on where to get started living your life by design.

This is episode 2 on the Live by design theme we are discussing this month. Last week we spoke about the signs to recognise whether we are living life on autopilot. If the signs indicate you are, the question is, what do you do next, where do you begin the journey of Intentional Living.

I’ve lived on autopilot where everything seems to fall apart and found the means to patch my life together and make it whole again, one step at a time. The perspectives are shared from my personal experience and research available today.

The first place to start and break the chain of autopilot living is …

you already know what I’m going to say – Awareness.

If you’re unaware that you living life on autopilot, there’s no way you can change the pattern. As long as you’re unaware, a different way of life is simply out of reach and impossible. But the good news is if you’ve already listened to the previous episode and identified that there are some parts of your life that you lead on autopilot, you’ve already completed Step 1. The fact that you’re here means that you already realise on some level that you lead a life on autopilot.

Step 2: Pay Attention to the pebble in your shoe

There’s a simple spiritual analogy to explain step 2. Often when our life feels out of alignment, it feels like there’s a pebble in our shoe – we know it’s there, it’s mildly discomforting, but not that uncomfortable that we stop to examine and remove the pebble. Similarly, in life, we’re aware of mild discomforts or pebbles that we’ve chosen to live with; the best place to begin paying attention would be to look at those pebbles. Those that are mildly discomforting but not fully uncomfortable yet. Those areas are your starting points.

Start by observing how you go about a regular day – at home, at work, in your relationships. Just watch yourself – how do you move through the day? What energises you, what drains you? and see if you can identify in your what your pebbles in the shoe are – the 2-3 areas in your life that need work.

Step 3: Stay in the discomfort

A pebble in the shoe won’t do much damage in the short run, but if you ignore it in the long run, either your pace will be drastically reduced, or you’ll have an injury where the pebble is constantly hurting your feet. The same is the case with our pebbles in life. A bad boss may not make your life miserable in one day, but if you don’t do something about it for years, you’ll find your morale in life low or your zest at work vanishing, making it that much harder for you to move out.

Often when we have pebbles in our life, it’s uncomfortable, so we distract ourselves. We binge watch Netflix, turn to alcohol, sex, drugs, anything that would take our minds away and ease us from the discomfort. We numb ourselves and go with the flow to avoid unpleasantness or discomfort.

So instead of distracting yourself, the third step is to face what you’re avoiding. Look at the pebble deeply, analyse the root cause of the friction. What are your thoughts, feelings trying to tell you? Where is the disconnect stemming from? How can you address this cause of friction?

Step 4: Take micro actions, and frequently pause to reflect

Hitting the brakes is the simplest way to break free from the inertia that sets in after extended periods of autopilot living. Pause long enough to reflect and identify micro actions to address the root issue – whatever is in your control.

And, then, take 30 minutes at the end of every week to reflect on your actions and choice that week in those 2-3 areas – were they in your long term interest – what went well, and what could have gone better.

Ask yourself difficult questions start making deliberate choices about where you spend your time and life energies –

1. What does your life or the 2-3 areas you identified need more of?
2. What can you eliminate/subtract in your life to improve the quality of your life
3. What are you feeling drawn to spend more time on or engage with?

Step 5: Give yourself permission to dream of an alternate way of life.

We’re often stuck in the same patterns or routines because we think it’s not possible to live any other way. We believe the path we are on is the only path and force ourselves to stick with it no matter how discomforting it is. But what if there is an alternate path? One without all this unnecessary struggle and discomfort? And we are not talking about leaving everything you know for an abstract unknown – we are talking about dreaming about it. Surely dreams don’t cost you much – you can dream about a different way of life while still living the tried and tested approach to life.

Give yourself permission to imagine another way of life, a life where you feel connected and whole, where you act from a space of calm confidence and not fearful anxiety, a life where you are present and involved in the day to day actions, and where you feel fulfilled for having done your best every day. Let that seep into the subconscious and find ways to manifest. This doesn’t have to be a mere dream; this is what all of us as humans are capable of creating for ourselves.

So here’s the own your everyday tip for the week, there’s no rocket science to identifying where you break the chain of autopilot living. Pay attention to the pebbles in your shoe, determine where the disconnect is stemming from and go all the way to the root of the problem instead of running away or distracting yourself. Even if you don’t get answers, stay with the discomfort and truly pay attention to the feelings you are running away from – the answers will emerge. In next week’s episode, we will talk about using this information and intentionally living life.

Want more support in the meantime? Book one of my free coaching sessions, and let’s brainstorm together.

This is Shwetha Sivaraman signing off until we meet again, hoping you have a fabulous week ahead!