Ep 75 – Are our personalities fixed?

Have you ever finished an argument saying, “I am like this only, take it or leave it.” We’ve all been there. I am sensitive. I am timid. I am short-tempered. I am inflexible because of all the labels I use and box my personality in. But are our personalities written on stone and fixed throughout our lives? Or are our characters and personalities pliable, flexible, and open to change and growth over some time?

Hi, you’re listening to Own your every day in the Being Meraklis Podcast, and I’m your host and self-awareness coach Shwetha Sivaraman. Today we’re going to talk a little bit about personalities and how we can keep working on ourselves to grow and adapt to changing times.

I’ve encountered this many times in my coaching conversations. I’ve heard people say, I am like this only. I’m the kind of person to whom bad things always happen. I’m the person who never sees through. I’m the person who finds it challenging to stick to habits or build new routines. I’m lazy. I’m an introvert. I’m careless. I’m a spendthrift. Labels, labels, and more labels.

The truth is that our personalities aren’t fixed, but our labels and narratives and stories we tell ourselves limit our lives and personalities. The truth is that our brains are capable of change; the growing scientific evidence on neuroplasticity shows that we don’t have to be stuck with anything we’re born with. There is enough evidence that our brains grow and evolve every day, and if we change what we do every day, we can change our lives. Scientists have recently discovered that genetically identical mice can create daily habits that reshape their brains and mould their individual personalities even in a similar environment.

You must be wondering why am I talking so much about personalities? How does it really matter? It matters because if we want our realities to change, we need to change what’s happening on the inside. When we have the attitude that we are fixed, and the only thing that needs to change is that our external reality has to become more favourable, we are giving away our power to somebody else and losing out on our true potential.

Say you have a brilliant business idea and know that it has the potential to become big, and give you a chance of doing work that makes your heart sing, but you say I’m risk-averse, so do nothing about it. Now, if you accept that you are risk-averse and are at peace not pursuing the idea, great. Keep going. But we don’t do that. We remain unhappy with what we’re currently doing, we resent others who dare to pursue ideas, we detest ourselves for not having the guts, we pine for the alternate life, and remain stuck where we are. This is where the problems start. To live our best lives, we need to learn to grow and be the person we wish to be wholly and completely.

You must be wondering, Okay, I get it, I need to change, but how do I change the personality that’s been a part of me for all my adult years?

The neuroscientist Dr Joe Dispenza says it clearly when he says, “Your personality is made up of how you think, act, and feel. It is your state of being. Therefore, your same thoughts, actions, and feelings will keep you enslaved to the same past personal reality. However, when you as a personality embrace new thoughts, actions, and feelings, you will inevitably create a new personal reality in your future.”

Swami Vivekananda said this years ago when he said, “repeated habits can reform character.” What are you repeating day in and day out? Does that serve who you want to be in the future? If not, ask yourself what needs to change?

Imagine what a boring life it would be if we were the same person from birth to death. But we aren’t. We can change, evolve, grow, and even go back to our old habits if we choose. The reality is we can be anyone we want at this very moment. The question is, how badly do u want something?

Instead of declaring I am such and such, let’s pause for a moment and reflect back on our lives – our careers, our relationships with people around us, our relationships with ourselves, and really ask what do I need to change about myself to improve these 3 areas? Who do I need to be to have a successful career, harmonious relationships, and equanimity, peace, and fulfilment within me?

And identify 2 or 3 habits you need to build or let go of to become that person. Do them consistently until they become a part of you. And before you realise it, you’ll be a brand new person.

So here’s own your everyday tip this week, neurons that fire together wire together. Instead of believing your personality is fixed, and you are the way you are, ask yourself who you need to be to make your dream life come true and start rewiring your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You have the power to decide and change what your personality needs to be, take control and steer it in the direction favourable to you.

Need more help overcoming your inner limiting beliefs and internal resistance? Book a slot in my calendar, and let’s discuss what’s coming your way.
Until we meet again, this is Shwetha signing off, hoping you have a fabulous week ahead.