Ep 56 – Qs to reflect on when angry

Do you feel angry all the time? Like a volcano is bubbling up within you waiting to burst out. You’re not alone. Research shows that more than one in 4 adults worries about feeling angry all the time.

Hello and welcome back to the Deep Dive series of the Being Meraklis podcast and I’m your host and self-awareness coach Shwetha Sivaraman helping you ask the right questions.

Anger is a primal emotion that is a part of every human, it is linked to our brain’s survival fight or flight region. It is fundamental for our survival, however in small doses and when it’s within our control.

But when we are constantly angry, it leads us to no good. When anger takes over and becomes uncontrollable we build up too much negativity, cut ourselves off from our relationships, ruin our health and the mental peace of those around us. It’s a highly charged up emotion, if you’ve observed yourself closely, anger physically manifests as increased heart rate, the tension in the muscles, clenched teeth, tightness in the body especially in the chest, and in some cases a terrible headache. It also manifests emotionally increasing stress, anxiety, irritability or brings up emotions of sadness or loneliness or resentful.

Ask yourself these questions when you feel this anger:

1. What other emotion accompanies the anger? This is a great question to understand the triggers of your anger. Are you afraid? Are you feeling like a victim? Or are you feeling unheard and the anger is a call to attention? Are you feeling insecure or a lack of control? Or are you simply tired? Anger is usually a cover-up for deeper feelings. Understanding the accompanying emotion helps understand the anger better.
2. Where is this anger coming from? Is it a rational response to present circumstances or is it coming from memory of past events or trauma? We sometimes get triggered and pull out the weight of all past unresolved issues which becomes explosive when seen from the present circumstance. Be mindful of where you’re anger is stemming from and if possible resolve it before getting triggered again to reduce impact.
3. How reasonable are my expectations? personally, I’ve noticed I become angry when my expectations of what should have been the course of events failed to happen. Anger is a reaction to failed expectations. But how reasonable are they? If they are break it down and communicate as to why you felt let down once the anger passes or if possible even before anger surfaces. If not, realign your expectations to prevent getting angry in the first place.

Deep dive on these aspects the next time you feel angry and find answers within! If you’d like more 1:1 support with me as your Coach, reach out to me for a 30 min discovery session and let’s explore if self-awareness coaching can help you find that emotional balance and thrive across life situations.