Ep 37 – The power of acceptance

Many of us live our lives in denial, in the fear of having to face the reality. However, for our well-being we need to let go of the resistance and face the reality that surrounds us. So, today we will break down acceptance and how it can work miracles to live life to the fullest.

• 01:44 – Consequences of non-acceptance
• 03:15 – Understanding acceptance
• 03:53 – Is Acceptance sugarcoating reality?
• 05:30 – Acceptance and Resignation 
• 07:45 – 5 ways to get started on finding acceptance within yourself

Have you ever spent hours and hours wondering if-only scenarios or what-if in your head? What if I had decided to take science over commerce? What if I chose to take that scholarship abroad? What if I worked a few years before doing my masters? What if I was still together with my ex? If only I hadn’t bunked that lecture? If only I could have had the chance to say goodbye?

We’ve all been there, where we pine for an alternate reality because something about our lives as is today doesn’t feel right to us. But where does pining get us? When we encourage these thoughts, we resist life and say no to what’s happening around us today.

You see, every time we resist the present, we cause anxiety, stress, disappointment, and struggle in our lives today. So you try as much as possible to change those adverse circumstances that you’re opposed to. But that doesn’t work, so we suffer and suffer. We keep going down a spiral in our heads that has no impact on the present and worse – affects our future opportunities and possibilities. And that’s where the magnificence of acceptance comes in!

What is acceptance?

Acceptance is embracing the present reality or that which is, unconditionally and wholeheartedly. It is letting go of the resistance to what is and avoiding ruminating, and hoping to manipulate the inevitable.

You see, until we accept the present situations and circumstances for what they truly are, no change is possible. We can complain our hearts out, but our reality will still remain the same.

If I can take the liberty to quote Eckhart Tolle once again, he says,

“The basis for true change is freedom from negativity. And that’s what acceptance implies: no negativity about what is. And then you see what this moment requires: what is it that is required now so that life can express itself more fully?”

This does not mean sugar coating the reality.

The reality can still be unpleasant and unfavorable. Acceptance is embracing it even if you don’t like it. It is about letting go of the notion that you had on what your present situation should have been and allowing yourself to come to terms with it as it is now. Accepting life as it is helps us adapt, move, and flow through life gracefully.

I read this online, and it resonated with my thoughts so well,

 “So accept whatever comes your way, and don’t grumble against anything that happens to you. If it happens, it happens. Go on about your business. Keep flowing. You cannot control circumstances from the outside, so instead of resisting pain or failure and defending against it, you can embrace and encompass your pain and your failures, fully accepting them so that they become part of you.”

Acceptance and Resignation

Often acceptance is equated to giving up, resigning, or indifference. But it is not about saying whatever to life or giving up to make do with what is. It is about going above and beyond preferences to embrace the present and making the most of it. When you accept your present circumstances, you allow it to flow and see how best you can use it to move towards your desired future rather than resisting it and wasting away energy in wishful thinking.

Acceptance is liberating as it makes us more receptive to life as it unfolds rather than holding onto our ideas and perceptions of how life should be. When we let go of resistance, we free ourselves of the underlying emotions that drain our energies and cloud our judgment. Once the fog of should could and must fade away, we start to see life the way it is and meet it rationally with the best possible action we can take in the given circumstance.

This is not just about circumstances in life. 

All that we spoke about till now is equally applicable to accepting ourselves for the way we are, accepting others in our lives for who they are, and valuing relationships.

Here are a few ways to kickstart the process of finding that acceptance within yourself:

   #1. Process, don’t deny

The first thing we do when things happen unfavorably is that we deny it’s occurrence or justify it in a way that it never was for us, or you always knew this is not for you and what not. Human beings have the innate ability to justify and rationalize just about anything. But for you to truly accept the reality, you have to see reality for what it is. You cannot accept things you don’t perceive. So process emotions from things that haven’t gone your way instead of sweeping them under the rug. Confront them, grieve the loss of possibility that you were counting on, and allow yourself to feel that pain.

   #2. Let go of the need to control

Oftentimes we feel the need to control every aspect of our life. But how much of our lives is actually within our control? Acceptance requires us to accept things that don’t go in our favour, as much as things do. We need to realize that there might be external circumstances way beyond our control and allowing one to see the reality as is, can help one move from a victim mindset to proactively seeing what next in every situation. Instead of focusing on all that’s not working, you can bring your attention to what’s in your hand and how you can make the best use of it. 

   #3. Expect Less

Ah, this is a hard one, but it’s easier to accept reality if you don’t have a rigid perspective on what you believe your life should be. Expecting less can help you be more open to whatever outcome happens. This doesn’t mean you are complacent and desire less or have no ambition. Rather it is to continue doing the work, while detaching yourself from the outcome.

  #4. Look for the silver lining

I’m no fan of positive thinking and fake it till you make it. However, in life it’s not always black or white, which means there is a silver lining to every situation. While this may or may not be ideal or your first preference, acknowledging the silver lining in a situation can make you more open to accepting it wholeheartedly. 

  #5. Don’t try to understand it

This is one of the hardest steps for me personally. I always pride myself on logic and rationality but as I grew older I realized there’s only so much our minds are capable of processing. Not everything is rational, not everything is logical, so stop trying to understand everything with the mind. You don’t need to understand every step to accept what is. You just have to know this is what your reality is as of today. 

True Acceptance is realizing this moment is inevitable. Maybe things can take a turn for the better tomorrow but acceptance is being able to see reality in the eye and knowing that this moment is all there is right now and that it cannot be any other way for now. 

What has your experience been with acceptance? Let the conversation not stop here. DM me on Being Meraklis on Instagram or across social media platforms, I would love to know more about where you are and explore what can be. Also, to keep the conversation going, Join the Being Meraklis Tribe, an ever-growing community with like-minded folks traversing similar roads to growth as you.