Ep 12 – The Secret of Happiness

Hello and welcome back to Being Meraklis a podcast by Shwetha Sivaraman

For those of you tuning in for the very first time Being Meraklis is a podcast to inspire and live life to its fullest through my journey of self-discovery. Meraklis is the derivative of the Greek word “Meraki” which means to do an act with complete willingness, undivided attention and wholehearted devotion. Being Meraklis is a conversation on life in all its glory with its highs and lows. It is a reminder of how we are not alone in this journey and on the simple things we can do to make this life a memorable and beautiful experience.

Today, I want to talk about The Secret of Happiness. I’ve usually found the term happiness as a vague, abstract concept, but felt like opening up about my thoughts on happiness today. Happiness defined as a state of being happy is an ideal that everyone wants to live by. But what construes as happy is subjective and could vary from person to person. Who doesn’t want to be happy after all? The challenge comes from its fuzzy definition and endless interpretations.

Irrespective, Happiness is the buzzword today, isn’t it?

Everyone is in search of it.

Origins of Happiness

A google search for “happiness” shows 1.06 billion results – 1.06 billion. Amazon shows 60000 results when you search for happiness under self-help books. 60,000. Happiness today is big business. Books, Life coaches, Mystics, Yoga gurus, all the way down to soaps, creams, and perfumes are sold on the pretext of making us happy. Everyone is in pursuit of happiness.

So I went and did some research, where did this obsession of happiness actually begin. I had to do quite a lot of digging as google ended up ranking every how to be happy resource on the top. But, bear with me as I take you through this journey.

Happiness as a concept dates back all the way to Aristotle, who seems to have done quite a bit research on this. His theory is that to understand happiness for humans we need to understand the essence of humans. As humans, he came to the conclusion -our unique capacity to reason is the essence. So our supreme good or happiness is a life that enables us to use and develop our reason. He defines Happiness not as a state but as an activity or a virtue to live by. And like any virtue or goodness, this too could be profound and enduring.

But over the 17th and 18th century, happiness was soon used as a metric to identify individuals and society’s well-being with Thomas Jefferson’s declaration of independence where happiness was an individual’s right. And slowly what Aristotle professed as “being good” loosely became translated to “feeling good” in our generations. What Aristotle defined as a philosophy of becoming happy as a consequence of living virtuously is now being sought as a commodity in itself.

As natural disasters plagued the world lesser and lesser, humanity in general worried lesser about surviving and suffering in the world. And happiness seemed like the next thing to pursue.

And gradually the transformation happened, over the centuries.

McMahon, associates the rising concern and preoccupation with happiness with two main factors: declining religious belief and economic prosperity.

But the challenge is it did not end there. We went one step further to dehumanize not feeling happy – sadness was somehow rebranded as an emotion a civilized human being in the 80s or 90s can’t have. Don’t Worry, Be Happy. Not only did we have to be happy all the time, feeling sad became non-acceptable.

There are several cases of depression are found to be just bouts of sadness people could not deal with – the patients assumed that feeling even a bit sad is the challenge. It soon became a competition pleasure v/s pain, the more pleasure you experience, the more happy you are.

McMahon continues to day “To really be concerned about your happiness is a total luxury: It only happens when everything else is taken care of. To care about happiness in a really sustained, neurotic way … is on one level a sign of our prosperity.”

As the second or third generation educated individuals, we have pretty much had life served on a platter for us, so Happiness has become a principle focus of something we seek. The pursuit of happiness they say – as if it is something external, as if it is something we must conquer. The state of idyllic existence that needs to be constantly pursued, forgetting the here and now.

I wrote an article about the Endless Search for Happiness earlier, you can read it here. 

And of course, it is an emotion marketers in a capitalist, booming, no-war thriving economies have leveraged to their best advantage. Every materialistic ad was spun around achieving happiness and the fear of not achieving that.

Happiness Today

I read a quote somewhere from the TV show Mad Men “Advertising is based on one thing: happiness. And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It’s freedom from fear. It’s a billboard on the side of the road that screams reassurance that whatever you are doing is okay. You are okay.”

The instances of advertising playing on this emotion are endless. Our brains process fear and other emotions much more stronger – so we believe when we are told we can only be happy if something is achieved and end up pursuing it cause our brains are convinced we shall perish otherwise.

We have always been told some part of this tale from birth, that getting to some metaphorical place or the ability to do something will make us happy. The tale could differ on the actual destinations anticipated depending on varied family backgrounds – but the pursuit remained constant. The dream could be to land the best education, take over the family business, run a successful multi-national corporate or save thousands of lives as a heart surgeon.

However, it was never just a macro dream we were asked to pursue. No, we were given sprints as pursuits. It was always a 1–3 years aspiration That we will get somewhere tale. It was believable. It seemed realistic and one could visualize getting there. We chase grades, degrees, jobs, relationships, promotions, and then spend our time driving the same fear in our children to chase them all over again.

What happens when we get to that destination?

Sometimes a few hours of celebrations, but more often tham not it wanes. It is almost always fleeting. By the time you realize you are happy and are all ready to grab it, it vanishes into thin air. Another journey begins. Another chase and the thrill on winning the previous conquest is vanished again. We keep at it – Any minute now, happiness should appear and so on we go. The list is endless and beyond a point aimless. We jump from one milestone to another mindlessly. Hoping this is it. This is going to be it. This is going to be it.

But where does this end?

Gradually, we start to see there is no end goal to this race. The happiness is fleeting at best and lasts for shorter spans of time as we cross more milestones. We begin to question everything around us, our existence, our purpose in this society, the meaning of it all. Diplomatically coined “Mid-life Crisis”. But with the internet, midlife is no longer something you expect to hit in our 30s. No, with every generation we realize it hits sooner. The more exposed our family is to this evolution, the sooner we get there.

When we associate happiness with a destination, we are only going to crave for more. Human Beings by nature are ambitious which is how we have managed to evolve and dominate to such an extent on this planet. So, if we aim for a destination and managed to get there over a period of time, it will never be enough. Because by the time we have gotten there, we already want something more. Just this will not be enough to satiate that.

Today, with social media the problem is amplified multifold. Not only are we constantly seeking happiness, we live under constant pressure of pretending we are happy all the time. Imagine that – glorified feeling good as a way of life, dehumanized sadness, and now are forced to pretend we feel good whether or not we do. No wonder mental health is talked about so much, it is after all the chaos we have created with all our might.

So then you might ask what then is the secret of happiness truly?

Like all ancient secrets, the secret is that there is no secret. There is no short-cut to conquering happiness. The secret to living a life of enduring happiness goes back to where it all started and originated, with Aristotle’s research. It begins with living a life filled with – I don’t want to say purpose cause it is misused in our generations. So lets say reason.

A reason that you find justifying enough to lead a life. It is the pursuit of that reason, that makes your life worth living. There is no bed of roses hidden in this path. Like everything in nature there are periods of blooming and waning. So moments of weakness, sadness, are but natural in your life.

Accept them, embrace them just as you embrace happiness for there are life lessons here too and keep going. The inherent strength in your reason will keep you grounded, to pursue them beyond all struggles, and alas in the life of being good there is everlasting happiness.

So if you are constantly on the look out for happiness, you know my standard mantra for all of life’s woes – pause, reflect, and identify where the unhappiness is stemming from. More material possessions or today’s adrenaline junkie or experential pursuits will not help instill happiness. It needs to come from within.

“Happiness is a state of mind and it starts with you”

As you start this week and a brand new month of 2020, retrospect on that reason that drives you. If you cannot right away pursue that reason, find a balance between the things you need to do and the things you love to do and in it lies the secret of living a good life.

As always, if you like what you listen to, do like, follow, share, and subscribe in whichever medium you use to tune in to these podcasts. If you are inspired to lead a fuller life, join the community on Instagram at Being Meraklis to share, learn, follow, and inspire each other in living a good life.