Introverts in an extroverted world
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I have been stumped many an occasion when faced with this question. As much as I love my solitude and time alone, I don’t necessarily get depleted in social gatherings if the quality of the conversations is good. So then which side of the coin was I?
The problem is that such a general definition does not help clarify. The terms introvert and extrovert were crafted by Carl Jung, and several consequent studies prove that all people have some level of both introversion and extroversion in them. Nevertheless, individuals frequently tend to lean one way or the other.
I read a simple rule of thumbs to understand which end of the spectrum you fall under in this beautiful site called the Introvert, Dear. Introverts are those who prefer quieter and calmer environments, those that are not overly stimulating. Their energies get depleted socializing in larger gatherings and need frequent bouts of time alone to recharge their energies. On the other hand, extroverts are those who are energized when surrounded by people. They thrive on these interactions with others and look forward to them.
Introversion and extroversion could largely depend on the context, the circumstances or occasion, the kind of people attending, your current mood, energy levels, and whatnot.
Does that help clarify where you stand? My habits definitely tend more towards being an introvert. My best work happens in solitude, and I never tire of my company. I love striking up a conversation, but it is not small talk and is always with like-minded people I resonate with or connect with.
But the world does not really appreciate introverts too much, do they?
Introverts in an Extroverted world
The world today epitomizes extroversion as the ideal personality. We make the mistake of equating confidence with competence and assume that those who can present themselves well and who can speak publicly with confidence and can work collaboratively with every team is successful. You need to be assertive to be taken seriously. You are often assumed to be spineless if you do not make your voice heard in a collective spaces.
Corporations encourage Group-Think. They force people to collaborate and work as a team irrespective of individual strengths and skill-sets. The rise of the extrovert ideal is so much in the corporate world that they look to hire only those willing to work collaboratively with teams.
Sociability is assumed to be a hygiene factor because it is commonly associated with confidence, cheerfulness, and good-natured individuals. As the world moves towards open space workplaces, clubbing, making tik-tok videos, and online dating, the ideal way to succeed is by being “out there” and sharing your liveliness with the world.
So where do the introverts, who prefer to stay in a room in quiet and solitude, fit in, if their energy is drained almost immediately when they are confronted with too many individuals at a time?
Everything rewarded in today’s world is against the nature of introverts.
While they love the quiet and produce the best results when working alone, they are outcasted as loners and weirdos with no rightful place where they can contribute to today’s world. Introverts often end up feeling like they don’t belong in the crowd. With their shy, quiet, and individualistic demeanour, they are forced to suppress their individuality to conform to society’s expectations.
The demand to survive in a busy, high-pressure, collective environment constantly, is draining for the introverts, making it harder to fight and survive in a world that assumes everyone to be extroverts.
So, how can introverts cope in an extroverted world
It is safe to say that what rejuvenates and inspires an introvert and extrovert are very different. Introverts love the quiet and solitude to step back and contemplate, while extroverts thrive in highly stimulating environments and fast-paced interactions.
A few things introverts could do to cope:
1.Understand your boundaries:
If you associate with being an introvert more, you need to recognize the things you are okay and things you are not okay with. Decide the things you value and want to prioritize. Choose what you want from others in your life. Be straightforward in admitting the activities that drain you of your energy and the kind of people you would avoid in your life. You have the right to say no to people, avoid them, and stop interacting with them if it does not serve you.
2. Accept the way you are:
While it is hard to accept being a social outcast in the world that cherishes the introverted ideal, self-acceptance is the first step towards making life changes that work for you. You don’t necessarily have to change yourself for the world. Everyone is different. If you are happy being an introvert, you don’t need to force-fit yourself into situations that leave you unhappy. Instead, accept yourself for who you truly are and spend time crafting your life in a way that supports your inner nature.
3. Challenge yourself now and then:
While it is absolutely okay to avoid social gatherings or things that feel out of your comfort zone, you must challenge yourself every now and then. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture; you could start small. It could be practicing small talk in a party where you know nobody, or experimenting with different networking groups until you find the right fit. The purpose here is not to change your personality, but to strengthen it so that you don’t catch yourself off-guard if put in an uncomfortable situation.
4. Have a strong support system:
Having people around who love and understand the way you are, is essential. The right people can make all the difference. Friends who understand your need for solitude, spouses who recognize your need for space in a relationship, managers who know your strengths, ways of working, and motivations and appreciate you for them, will make it that much easier to be yourself in all aspects of life.
5. Leverage your strength as an introvert:
Introverts are often more self-aware, attentive, and reflective in nature. ‘The think first, act later’ principle they believe in can be useful in several contexts. They are deep thinkers, great listeners, responsible, reliable, and accountable, which means an introvert will require less supervision and can be trusted to complete the tasks correctly. Leverage these strengths to your advantage and choose a profession that celebrates these traits in individuals.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with who you are
There is often a common misconception that introverts cannot excel in life. But this is not true. Many successful people like- Bill Gates, Steven Spielberg, etc., are actually introverts who are winning in the fields they chose.
Introverts and extroverts are wired differently, but both can be successful if they accept who they are and find the right balance to cope with their needs now and then.
If you want to delve deeper into this subject, I highly recommend this wonderful book written by Susan Cain called ‘Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.’ She explores how the rise of the extroverted ideal has led to undervaluing the immense capabilities of an introvert.
